Hiya. I have to write a letter, we can’t do video or voice.. Can you imagine?
You were right, they turn off all your negative feelings when they send you to fight the Minbreak War. You know that’s an euphemism. We “ghouls”‘ work in couchfarms like everybody else. (About the picture you wanted me to send to help Richie with his nightmares: that’d probably be a bad idea – between the neuromods and the lack of sunlight I look like a ghoul. You think he’s old enough to know the difference if you synthesized one?.)
I still think I was right to take the promotion and the neuromods are necessary. We work really close to the nightmare spinners – you don’t want to get anywhere near anything we synthesize with them if your brain can feel horror or disgust or anything like that. Remember Fred, the guy I told you about? The creepy one nobody wanted to be alone with who all the HR algos loved? Turns out he really was a psychopath; the brass wanted to see if somebody with his kind of crazy would be a better spinner operator. Well, the experiment was fucking informative for sure. He never got to the floor where I work only because he took his time to double-tap the wounded. Pretty positive proof of the need for neuromods! I don’t mind them and the convulsions aren’t as bad as they say.
The neuromods also help when we study target response. If you believe the gossip from people who’ve been working here a long time there used to be a lot more suicides before they starting blocking guilt too.
So don’t worry about me: I’m chemically guaranteed to not be afraid or hurt in any way. I don’t miss you or the kids either, that’s also part of the spectrum the neuromods turn off. You asked for honesty. Isn’t it for the better anyway? I’m even starting to enjoy the work very much! (I think that’d worry me if I could worry: I don’t know if it’s something in the neuromods or if it’s me.)
Three months to go in my contract and then they’ll let me out of the campus and back home. Without neuromods, though. They are fucking strict that those are only for on campus personnel. I need to tell you that I’m thinking about signing up for an extension. Adversarial content engineering is part of our national defense and we can use the money. Things are hard everywhere. And you always told me I should find something that fulfilled me.
With remembered love,
your husband